closed » and the guilt eats you alive

[lefthandfree]

He could hear the giant lights lined neatly along the high ceiling buzzing, and it was the strangest thing he had ever experienced. Still, Steve had said that it was the common thing in America now—insanity, really—and explained that they didn't need to go to different stores for things anymore—absolute madness—and now here they were casually walking to the "Sports" section of the giant one-room megastore in their civilian disguises while pushing a large cart that rattled far too much while moving. If anything, it felt like the perfect place to be ambushed, but Bucky knew that they wouldn't be found. They'd prepared so many false trails that anyone close enough to finding them would still be knee-deep in snow, sweeping every inch of the Swiss Alps.

Even now, he considered telling Steve it was a mistake, that they shouldn't be taking time like this and that they should return to T'Challa's hideaway to freeze him immediately. So others would be safe. So the world would be safe. But the mild grin on his dear friend's lips as they leisurely made their way to the back of the store kept the words from ever leaving his chest.

It was only for a few days. Steve had been so eager when it had been suggested as a good way to have time away from things, for Bucky to rethink the decision he had already made. It was difficult, too difficult, to refuse him, especially after everything Steve had done for him. He could bear a few more days. A few days was nothing. And so it would be as it was the least Bucky could do while knowing Steve deserved more.

They reached an aisle that apparently satisfied Steve's wandering eyes. The cart got left to him while Steve walked away. Bucky made a small disgruntled noise before rattling the cart noisily after his friend.

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[captainfossil]

The camping idea had started out as a joke when the two of them had gotten to talking one night, but the more Steve thought about it, the more it became a concrete idea. It's been a while since the two of them had been able to just spend time with each other without having to worry about anything or anyone else. There were enough red herrings in play that it would take a long while before anyone would've gotten a whiff of their trail, which made him confident enough to push through with it. And with Bucky's plan of returning to cryogenic sleep, it seemed as good a time as any for one last hurrah with his closest friend.

Making his way down the aisle, he reached the end where the tents are, and pulled out two kinds. When Bucky reached him, he held the two up to his companion. "Do you want to share or should we get one tent for each of us?"

[lefthandfree]

What a question.

Practically speaking, one tent meant less to bring while two only bought them some veiled sense of privacy that neither of them really needed anyway. While Bucky was tempted to simply suggest the former, a few memories came to mind and he decided on saying something better.

"Do you still roll in your sleep?" A faint quirk at the corner of his lips followed.

[captainfossil]

Steve's brow knitted together at Bucky's query. He'd merely asked if his friend had a preference of one or the either, so hearing that was not something he had expected at all.

Regardless, his reply was adamant, and the look on his face remained. "I don't roll in my sleep."

[lefthandfree]

Steve's serious expression and subsequent reply made a sharp laugh escape. Bucky stifled it into a chuckle and shook his head, unable to keep the amused grin off of his face.

"Uh. Yeah, you do, pal. You did it all the time when we were younger. Punched me in your sleep too. Don't tell me you've forgotten."

[captainfossil]

How could Steve forget about that time? He remembered it clear as day especially because he'd felt so guilty for socking Bucky in his sleep so long ago. The dream he had back then felt so real, that Steve had thrown a punch in reality too, and his fist had apparently connected with Bucky's face. When he'd woken up, his friend was nursing a shiner that definitely wasn't there the night prior.

It had been embarrassing enough when he realized what he'd done the following morning, and it only felt worse having it brought up again. It may not be often Steve felt sheepish but this was definitely one of those times. "No, I remember. And I'm still sorry for that."

While his tone was sincere, it shifted back to his earlier one just as quickly. "But I didn't roll back then either. "

[lefthandfree]

"Steve." There was clear warning in Bucky's voice, Bucky obviously disapproving of Steve's sudden onset of guilt and subsequent apology. It was an easy mistake, and he didn't hold it against his friend in the least. But obviously there was still a lot of guilt between them, so Bucky didn't really have the heart to lecture Steve on it. Not right now, anyway, especially in a public place.

Sighing, he stifled his frustration and furrowed his brows upward, shrugging his right arm and holding it up in mock disbelief before letting it slap slackly against his thigh.

"You did. We'd go to sleep one way, and I'd wake up in the middle of the night to you rolling off on the other side of me. It happened plenty of times, pal." Okay, maybe only a few times. But still.

He opened his mouth to continue but stopped himself short of tacking on that Steve didn't need to believe him since it was only what he had managed to remember. As much as it was true, he knew it was still a delicate thing to raise for his friend, and Steve didn't need more things to feel guilty about right now. Instead he closed his mouth awkwardly and shook his head.

"Probably hard to do it nowadays though with those giant things you call arms attached to your shoulders."

[captainfossil]

Steve made no indication whether or not he believed Bucky's story, but the slightest of smiles pulled at the side of his lips. Replacing the smaller tent into the shelves, he looked at his friend as he placed the other into the shopping cart. "Then you won't have anything to worry about. Which probably means one tent should be all right."

[lefthandfree]

Seeing that subtle smile on Steve's face made the corner of Bucky's lips twitch upward, and the tension he felt from being at odds with Steve dispersed. It was familiar, the way he felt his shoulders drop and a small snort puff out his nose. They'd always disagreed about this and that when they were younger, but in the end, it never mattered much to him if Steve agreed or not. As long as he could make things right, to cheer Steve up in the end, everything would always be okay between them. He felt like he was learning to breath again.

Tilting his head playfully, the small smirk spread into a natural grin that Bucky was testing out more and more lately. "Yeah. But if I find you rolling into me anyway, we're going to need to have a talk, Rogers. Can't have you crushing your lady in your sleep now, can I?"

Not that it would happen. No, Bucky was rather certain it wouldn't happen anymore. If his memory was to be trusted, Steve had always rolled because of having fits in his sleep. On one of the worst offenses, Bucky had eventually pinned Steve down with an arm to keep him from rolling onto the cold floor and catching his death. No, there wouldn't be fits anymore. At least not the kind from back then.